My biggest problem I think is that GOD, if HE exists, couldn't possibly love me. Our thought is you need to get rid of that "lie" from the devil. That is straight from the pit of hell. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 I have seen former cold blooded murders and drug dealers receive salvation and they are now such that you would not recognize them if you had known them in the past and not seen them in years. Even my Pastor at one time was a drug user / dealer, but he came to really know Jesus in a relationship and has now been a pastor for close to 20 years. "Also He spoke this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’ And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14 "Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace." Philippians 1:6-7 You don't have to 'clean up your act' to receive salvation, you simply have to "believe" and "repent." One has to surrender his life to Jesus. If we surrender our lives to Jesus as our Lord then He will begin a "good work" in us and we have His promise that He will complete that work. It is not us, it is Him that completes it. Our only "job" is to believe and repent then surrender our lives to seeking after Him daily. The Bible says our "righteous acts" are like filthy rags to the Lord. We couldn't "clean up our act" and "earn" favor with Him if we wanted to. It is by Grace through faith only. ********